dear jesus christ:

if you were right then i'm sorry for this but it seems i can't exist without contesting you... as you know for me the same is true
i have no right to tell you what i think is right at all
compared to you i'm small, time knows i'm going to lose
but why can't we just both agree that it's not about doing what you love but how it lives? that it's not about giving what you got but how it gives? why can't we just both i think i'm gonna carry my own damn cross by the side of the road with my fears and depraved convictions, and i will nail my own sick thoughts into my skin, i will carve my name in stone on the mountain alone with my prayers and my grievances, and i will hang my head up high beside your throne

blessed star, i know i fell so far, but i never meant to hurt you darling, you walked in and i saw you grin so i followed you
yes i followed...

oh holy blessed, i have no soul just the heart in my chest pumping blood and regret and it's no place for you dear... why do you let me live at all? why don't you throw me in a whale and count the days until i scream out for help? why don't you kill me now before i give my heart away to somebody else? we are hardened to start and then unraveled by the hands of knowledge... and hardened again but you know i'm still just gonna carry my own damn cross by the side of the road with my fears and depraved convictions, i'm gonna nail my own sick thoughts into my skin, i will carve my name in stone on the mountain alone with my prayers and my grievances, and i will bind my mother's son beside the altar

blessed star, i know i fell so far, but i never meant to hurt you darling, you walked in and i saw you grin so i followed you...
yes i followed you...

well wouldn't it be nice to find one hundred seven billion happy faces in the sky and we could dance and sing forever with these spirits in our eyes? but i just don't believe it any more than i believe in lobsters on my ceiling wearing purple caps and baking cupcakes with darjeeling i'm so sorry g, i just don't know what i've been saying lately but someday i pray that i sing more pious songs about you, really hope that i was wrong and i can finally say to you that you were fine (i was just so out of line) yeah you were fine (i was just so out of line) yeah you were fine (i was just so out of line and afraid... yeah i was afraid. . . y e a h i was afraid of you)